The night of the 7th day of successful eating comes to a close. I have lost nine pounds this week, but it’s not enough to stop it. I feel it coming on like a flood. That strong voice seems to come from my stomach. It has joined forces with my brain to send an overwhelming desire to eat what I shouldn’t.
I so badly want pizza right now that it scares me. My body wants it, but I don’t want to ruin my progress. What if I do not have the strength tomorrow to abstain? My brain is telling me that I should reward myself and that one day of eating what it wants won’t be bad.
It will be bad. I will fall back and lose everything again. I don’t want that, but I want pizza. I am so hungry right now. Why am I controlled by my hunger? When will I be able to control these urges? How do I get back in control? This needs to end.
I’m legitimately nervous I will fall tomorrow. My hope is that when I weigh in I will have lost a good amount of weight to make it tougher to cheat. Until then, I’m haunted by this fear of failing.