As evening comes, I am sitting at the sunset of another day I have wasted. A wasted opportunity to get my addiction under control. I tell myself as I have a thousand days before, “I will start tomorrow.” At the moment, with a full belly, I feel confident that I can do it. I have a refrigerator filled with all my prepared healthy meals and snacks, so why should I not be confident?
That answer is simple. My fridge has had the food in it for a week, and I have chosen not to eat it. I did not want to eat it. Chik-fil-a, cookies and soda were what I wanted. I want to be healthy and trim, too. I have been healthy and trim several times in the last dozen years and kept gaining it back. Why? I obviously have a food addiction. I have overcome it before, and I need to again.
What will be different this time? I tried setting goals. I have family trips coming up I want to be fit for. I had gotten off of meds that I am back on again, I felt better both physically, mentally and emotionally when I’m fit, my clothes look better, I want to live a long life with my family, I want to be a good example to my friends and family and many more reasons to stop eating poorly.
Addiction is a funny thing, and those who have never been held in its grip will never understand. Food addiction is no different from being addicted to drugs or alcohol. The brain releases pleasurable endorphins when certain foods are eaten and certain people’s bodies, due to possible chemical deficiencies, get hooked on those feelings. The need to get that “fix” is controlled by the brain. It clouds reasoning and reality. It is a serious, and deadly condition, a condition that gets no major headlines or news coverage. It seems to be a socially acceptable condition. One that those who don’t suffer from it just dismiss as “those people are just gluttons.”
So, in closing this post, and as I just ate a half melted chocolate chip that I found stuck to the back of my leg, I await the morning. I pray that tomorrow is the day that I stand strong and decide to eat healthily. All I need is to win tomorrow. Then I can worry about winning the following day. I pray that tomorrow I put my trust in the Lord and truly believe the words of the Apostle Paul that I am more than a conqueror through Him that loved me.