Driving Crazy

I am driving myself crazy! This is day two, and hopefully my last day of rest. I am still recovering from my procedure and hopefully tomorrow I will venture out, and get back on my feet. I still can’t lift or go to the gym until next week, but I can at least get my blood pumping by moving around.

It appears I have gained a pound or two from being bed ridden, even though I did not eat poorly. I just did not burn any of the calories that I normally would have just taking care of day to day tasks.

Today, I did not even want to eat I was so upset at gaining. I know it is probably water weight, and I’ll probably lose it quickly, but I am a nut case. I now want a Chik-fil-a sandwich and fries! I won’t have one, plus no one would get it for me if I asked. Darn, people who love me!

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An Eerie But Familiar Feeling

The night of the 7th day of successful eating comes to a close. I have lost nine pounds this week, but it’s not enough to stop it. I feel it coming on like a flood. That strong voice seems to come from my stomach. It has joined forces with my brain to send an overwhelming desire to eat what I shouldn’t.

I so badly want pizza right now that it scares me. My body wants it, but I don’t want to ruin my progress. What if I do not have the strength tomorrow to abstain? My brain is telling me that I should reward myself and that one day of eating what it wants won’t be bad.

It will be bad. I will fall back and lose everything again. I don’t want that, but I want pizza. I am so hungry right now. Why am I controlled by my hunger? When will I be able to control these urges? How do I get back in control? This needs to end.

I’m legitimately nervous I will fall tomorrow. My hope is that when I weigh in I will have lost a good amount of weight to make it tougher to cheat. Until then, I’m haunted by this fear of failing.