Smee: I’ve just had an apostrophe.

Captain Hook: I think you mean an epiphany.

Smee: [gestures his fingers to his head] Lightning has just struck my brain.

Captain Hook: Well, that must hurt.

The quotes are from the 1991 movie, Hook, starring Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman. Great movie, by the way.

Anyway, I just had an epiphany, and it did hurt a little. I think I discovered that my goals were all wrong! I think I have been focusing on the wrong thing. I have been focusing on a number on my scale and counting how many days I was going without certain foods.

Needless to say, I hit my goal. I wanted to be a certain weight before I left on my cruise on Saturday, and I hit it this morning. I was super happy, to say the least. So, I rewarded myself with some treats I had been craving and using as a physiological reward in my mind for the past month. I ate it, and I will admit, I ate too much. I had gone too far.

As I sat on the couch stuffed, it dawned on me. Was starving myself and refraining to the point I stuff myself as soon as I hit a goal really worth it? The craving is gone because my belly is full. For a month, I counted calories and craved like crazy. Could I have seen the same or similar results if I would have kept myself satisfied with nutrition and splurged now and then? I think so.

I need to focus on a long life, healthy lifestyle, not a life of losing weight. A life of balance, moderation and taking every day as just one day in a life of thousands. Let’s see what tomorrow holds.


Nothing To Fear

Many of us who are on a quest to lose weight have a common enemy. No, I’m not taking about food. Food is not an enemy. We are foods enemy. We eat to much of it. I’m talking about the scale!

1510871_10205741843807596_3470140103577983125_nI wake up every morning and dread getting on it. I know that some of you don’t advocate getting on the scale every day, but I need the the motivation. I call it motivation but I am not sure that is the proper word. If I did not lose weight, then I am upset and want to quit. I probably won’t quit, but I want to. If I actual lose weight, then I am happy.

I hate the scale. I’m neurotic. I weight myself at night to see if I have stayed close to my weight during the day. I know I will lose at least a pound or two overnight, so I gauge it. I’m definitely a sicko, but it works for me.


In The Zone

As of yesterday, I finally was able to get out of bed and move around. I got back on track with counting my calories. I had put on 2 pounds in the two days I was sedentary. Luckily, those have found their way off again. I’m still a little frustrated as I lost a few days of potential headway.

Today, for the first time, I did not want to cheat. I am one week from the mini finish line I set for myself. In other words, I have one week until the trip I was using as motivation for weight loss. I’m close. I can see the finish line, and there is a chance I will win this one. It was a big goal, and it’s a neck in neck dash for the finish line. I want this!

I am too close to mess it up by cheating. I will stick to my healthy eating, I will continue to lose weight, and I will stay in control of the outcome. I can taste the spoils of victory.

Drain Bamage

There is something seriously wrong with me, and it is OK for you to laugh. I am currently laid up in bed after a minor, but routine out-patient procedure. To keep my blood sugar up, I need to eat more calories than I have been restricting myself to. I got home last night and ate a small plate of food, but should of had more. I almost passed out during the night when I got up.

So, my spouse was a tad upset with me and told me that if I even mentioned trying to stay on my low calorie regiment, I’d be whacked. Of course, it was said in jest, but honestly, I don’t want to gain weight so bad that even when I physically need more calories to survive I try not to or feel guilty about eating. Is that sick, or what?

I am a nut job. I know it is not a big deal in the grand scheme and my health depends on it, but I am hesitant. Dummy. No worries, I will do as the doctor tells me to and eat. It’s not like I am eating cake and ice cream. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to get to the gym for a week or so because of the procedure, so I guess that aids my concern.

Anyway, I seem to be stuck with drain bamage. That reminds me of a great Bill Cosby act. Enjoy!

The Battle Rages

I love history. I enjoy reading, and studying the past. One of my favorite parts of history is past military conflicts. I could spend hours reading and learning about how battles were raged in the past. The strategy, the near misses, the subtle things that cause a skirmish to end up one way or another. My brain is in constant battle with itself.

A battle rages and decisions are fought over. I want the results of not being addicted to food. I want the weight loss. I want to not be addicted to food. I want to be healthy. I want my entire brain to be in agreement. It seems that one side of it is hell-bent to get me to eat and gorge myself with sugar, and fatty foods. The other wants the freedom, and positive results.

As day 13 comes to a close, the battle was once again bloody, but I have stayed the course. This battle was won, but the war rages on.

This Party Is Getting Old

I am getting tired of being good. Tired of eating healthy. I’m tired of fighting these cravings. I want sugar! I want tasty, high calorie, fatty food! Uye, this is crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m seeing results. I have stuck to my diet, lost weight and have not cheated once.

I keep telling myself to hang in there. I am ten pounds away from my first goal. I have more to lose but I set a goal to be a certain weight by a certain day and it’s within reach. The problem is that it is taking to long and I am about out of patience.

Maybe, if I was not hungry all the time, I would not think of food so much. Maybe if I had long term vision I would be goal oriented more than focusing on the daily task of getting to that goal. At least, I am afraid to cheat for fear of the guilt I’ll have for blowing it and the overwhelming feeling of failure. So, I guess that can be seen as a positive.

I guess the old saying is correct, if you don’t have to work hard for something, it’s not worth having. That’s true. Problem is, I don’t keep it long once I obtain it.

Here’s to getting to my goal, keeping it, and staying the course!

The Reason For My Suffering

Like I mentioned in earlier blogs, I need a goal and a reason to lose weight, and eat healthy. Since the end of September 2014 through New Years day, I’d put on 30 pounds. Luckily, for me, I have a cruise with family and friends scheduled for the 31st of January. So, like a good food addict, I decided to try to lose about 25 pounds before the trip.

Today is day nine, and I have not cheated in any way. I have lost 10 pounds, and it is noticeable. I am happy with my results and hope to keep it up for another 17 days. I am confident I will get to my goal, even though I crave everything I can’t eat.

The serious issue, which has me, and my spouse worried is that my goal is a floating, 24-hour buffet, and I want to, and probably will, eat everything onboard. I know that is a horrible thought process. It reminds me of a story I once heard a preacher tell. It was a man dying of emphysema and going to an old town revival meeting in hopes of getting God to heal him. The evangelist at the revival prayed for the old-timer, and while praying he noticed a pack of cigarettes in the dying man’s pocket. He went to remove them while praying for the coughing man, but the old man blocked his access to the cigarettes. He tried to get them again, with the same result. Finally, the evangelist asked the old man why he wouldn’t let him take the cigarettes away if he wanted God to heal his disease. The old fellow replied that he wanted God to heal him so he could smoke more.

That was a true story, and so is mine. I am counting the days until I can eat whatever I want, until my heart is content. Oh, I tell myself and my spouse that I will use moderation and not overdo it, but I know the truth of what I really want. I don’t want to make myself sick, but I want to eat a lot. I will go and spend an hour on the treadmill as many days as I can to burn some calories, but I know I will not burn near enough to not gain back weight on this trip.

Maybe I am speaking this way because I am so hungry from cutting calories and exercising, but one thing is true, though; all, I think about, is food. I want food. Every piece of food, I want to eat it. Maybe I am dramatic. I have been accused of that before, but I love food.

When I get back from this trip I hope and pray that I will get back on a balanced diet of eating right and exercising. I don’t want to crave fatty and sugary foods anymore, but I do.

So, until I can figure it out how to defeat these cravings, I will carry on.